Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
