For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
