everyone is single if you try hard enough
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
