Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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