...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
