i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
