I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
