that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
