I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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