those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
