Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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