She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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