You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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