I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The feeling are messing with the penis
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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