Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
