I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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