I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
