He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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