i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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