after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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