he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
