i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
