she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
