Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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