Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
