I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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