just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
