Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
