Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
