i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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