She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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