Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
