i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
