just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
