How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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