I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
