Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
