he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
