i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
