please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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