she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
