Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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