I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
