i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
