I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
