so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
