Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
