if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
