She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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