I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
