I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
