life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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