there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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