Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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