I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
